Silent Sunday

My Highs and Lows of 2012!

So, Nobody said it was easy tagged me.. so here goes!!


1. What was your happiest event?

Oh no fair!! Can I have 2? This year has been full of good stuff!! First our wedding in June, then the birth of our baby girl in October :)

2. What was the saddest thing to happen?

I don't think anything sad has happened to me personally this year, makes a change! My saddest moment was probably when my best friend had a miscarriage.

3. What was the most unlikely thing to happen that you went ahead and did anyway?

Err, probably having Sky! Hubby was pretty adamant he didn't want anymore babies and we definitely weren't trying to get pregnant, but here she is, our perfect little baby girl! I couldn't imagine life without her.

4. Who let you down?

Nobody I don't think, can't think of anyone :)

5. Who supported you?

My husband, as always!! He is my rock! Also my friends, both virtual, and 'real life' who helped me through my pregnancy, which I found really tough second time round.

6. Tell us one thing you learned?

That being a Mummy of two is hard work! 

7. Tell us one thing that made you laugh?

There are so many things!! Probably all the things my son has come out with this year while expanding his vocabulary!! (I think the best so far was 'Mummy, Sky needs boob!')

8. Tell us one thing that made you cry?

The birth of Sky, happy tears :)

9. Tell us three things your children did to make you feel proud?

So many things, Sky smiling for the first time, Sam learning to say 'I love you Mummy' and Sam very nearly being potty trained!

10. Tell us one thing that made you proud of yourself?

Giving birth to another beautiful baby and with only gas and air (again)

11. Tell us one challenge you overcame?

Leaving my baby boy for a whole week so we could go on honeymoon, I hate leaving him and was a nervous wreck all week (even cried myself to sleep a couple times) but I did it!

12. Tell us three things you would like to change about your life in 2013?

Well, everything I would like to change is a little more long term, but I'd like to get saving for a mortgage so we can finally own our own house, a three bedroom so Sky can have her own room.

I want to finally finish a degree, as I hate that I dropped out, and then I can get a better job, which will help with the mortgage situation.

Lastly to get back to my pre- Sam weight, I am on my way, hopefully by next Christmas I will have gotten there!!

I'm going to be a student again!!!

Well, as the title says, I'm going to be a student once more, as I have just enrolled on a course with the Open University!! I am doing an 'Open Degree' which means I can do lots of different modules in different subjects which is great for me, as I still am not 100% sure what I want to do. Every time I think i'm sure I change my mind, damn my indecisiveness!!

Providing all my funding comes through I will be starting in February and i'm very excited! Also I am now more than 5,000 words into my book which i'm also very excited about, I won't give too much away just yet as it needs a bit of editing but fingers crossed it will be finished by the end of 2013!!

Did a bit of shopping today in the sales, the kids have some lovely new clothes and they spent the money they got for Christmas, Sam was very impressed with his tractor and trailer, and new jigsaw. We had lunch in Pizza Hut which was very yummy, I suppose I'd better make the most of it as the diet is going to be in full swing come January 1st!! Although I haven't gained any weight over Christmas which considering the amount of chocolate I ate is nothing short of a miracle!

I'll end with a bit of a rant, as I was very annoyed when I bought myself a coat, it was in the sale from Asda, and I thought, well I'm usually a size 12, but I'll buy a 14 as I'm still not quite what I was before getting pregnant, and I couldn't even do the bloody thing up!! So begrudgingly I picked up a size 16.. It did up but was so tight it looked ridiculous!! So even more begrudgingly I bought a size 18. Now the bottom only just fits, but the top is massive! I consoled myself with the fact that once I lose a few more pounds I'll be able to fit a jumper underneath it. I've come to the conclusion that sizes are getting smaller, as I still fit in my size 12 jeans from before I had Sky, so I haven't grown that much, and for that matter I still fit into a size 8 jumper I've had for years (but then that may have been sized wrong and stretched a little over the years) But in no way, shape or form am I a size 18!!! Ok rant over, I can breathe again now!

It's all over for another year...

So that's it, another Christmas done and dusted, all that present buying and wrapping, all the preparation and its over so quick! Sam had a great day, opening his many many presents, he was thoroughly spoilt, Sky on the other hand didn't really have a clue what was going on but was passed from relative to relative taking it all in. Sam had us up at 6:30am and Sky kept us up till late so it was a long day!!

Christmas dinner went as well as it can when looking after two little ones at the same time, potato's weren't my best but nothing got burnt so I think that's an achievement in itself, and there wasn't much left so it must have tasted alright.. Well Sam didn't eat much I think he managed a bit of sausage meat and a Yorkshire pudding before running off to play with his toys again he was so excited!

My Dad couldn't come which put a bit of a downer on the day, he was ill in bed with a chest infection, but we went round on boxing day for a bit of a family gathering and he was feeling a bit better. Sky got to meet some of the family for the first time, and it was nice to have everyone under the same roof as it rarely happens for my family (well there were a few missing but there was more than we usually get together at once). Sam also got the chance to make up for not eating much on Christmas day, he actually ate nearly a full pack of cocktail sausages leaving hardly any for anyone else, and then started to demolish the ham and turkey! Not to mention, raisins, crisps, yogurt, chocolate and cake! He also had us all playing with his new game.. Pop up Pirate, courtesy of Uncle Steve and Auntie Sarah, he loves it!!

Sky now has a bit of a cold, and we're pretty sure she is teething, so we've been shopping and armed ourselves with karvol and saline drops to help her out a bit tonight. She is currently sat here with the hiccups that are making her eyes water bless her.

I'll end this post by saying thank you so much to all our friends and family that made our Christmas special, and thank you for all the presents, even the dog didn't get left out!! Oh and just in case I don't get a chance to update before, I hope you all have a very happy new year!!    

Silent Sunday

Christmas Meme

Thank you for the tag Nobody said it was easy nothing like a bit of festive fun!!

What is your favourite thing about Christmas?

My favourite think has to be cooking Christmas dinner, I don't know why but I love it! Oh and watching the kids open their presents too.. which reminds me must get Joe to charge the video camera!!

What is your favourite make-up look for the festive season?

Make-up? I only ever wear a bit of eye liner and mascara so guess its the same as I usually wear although I have bought some glittery eye shadow this year so if I get a chance to do my make-up properly this year (unlikely) I will probably use a bit of that.

Real or fake tree?

Because I can't be bothered to hoover up pine needles, fake!! I would love a real tree one year, but when the kids are much older and I have more time on my hands!!

Giving or receiving presents?

Giving, I love seeing the kids faces light up when they open their presents! We haven't really bought for the 'grown ups' this year as we just can't afford it if i'm honest! Also I think i'm getting old, the only things I really want for Christmas is a new pair of oven gloves, and a new casserole dish..

Do you open your presents in the morning or evening?

Morning!! I've never been patient enough to wait till the evening, especially now we have kids, plus gets all the wrapping paper and mess out the way before we have dinner.

What's your favourite Christmas film?

Christmas film, I don't know, my minds gone blank now I'm trying to think of one!! Probably 'Miracle on 34th street' as I loved it as a kid, will have to buy it on DVD for the kids to watch.

What is your favourite Christmas food?

Pigs in blankets!! Its probably the only thing on my Christmas dinner that we don't eat the rest of the year! 

We did it!!

I did it!! I left Sky for the first time and the world didn't end!! (Yet but i'm told it's forecast for tomorrow) She was a very good girl, fell asleep just after we'd left, had her bottle about an hour and a half after we'd gone, and was just ready for her next feed as we were walking in the door. I let Joe give her a bottle so we didn't waste it (it was very hard work expressing all that stuff!!) and she promptly fell asleep and didn't wake up til nearly 2am! Only issue was I didn't get much sleep as had to stay up and express as my boobs were so full and starting to get painful but all in all a successful night.

Onto the film, we went to see The Hobbit in 3D. It was really good, very impressed, although slightly confused as to how its going to be 3 films, they seemed to get about halfway through the first book just in the first film, so they must be making sure all elements of the book are included. I may even read the book again before the next film comes out just so I can spot what (if anything) they miss out. I'll be honest its been a while since I read the book and had forgotten lots of bits that were in the film last night. 

Today has been pretty eventful, Sam has kept me very busy. Firstly by deciding that cheese spread sandwich looked much better in his hair, than on his plate. I had to shout to Joe to grab him and put him in the shower (as Sky wanted feeding) he screamed so much the neighbour's must have thought we were murdering him (Sam, not Joe) he really doesn't like having his hair washed at the best of times, so trying to get cheese spread out was not an easy task. Then just as I thought he was being a good boy, I turn my back for a minute and he gets one of his train track pieces (for those in the know, it was Vee or V or however you spell it from Chuggington) and got it wedged in his mouth just behind his teeth and couldn't get it out, cue minor panic followed by me very carefully wiggling it back out of his mouth without pulling half his teeth out..

So just when I thought that he couldn't possibly cause any more stress today, he wee's on the sofa... So now not only does my carpet smell just a little bit like wee my sofa has joined the club too!! Thank God for Avon's room and linen spray!!!

A Good Day

Jakey went to his new home on Sunday, which while it was a sad day, he has gone to a lovely home and they are going to keep in touch so we can see how he's doing. Judging by the pictures he is a very happy boy! 
Taz has been a lot more chilled out since Jake's departure, and is getting more attention that he was before he's even getting 2 walks a day again now it's easier to manage 1 dog with both kids than it is 2!!! We went and bought him some new toy's today we spent a fortune at Pets at Home but his happy face when we got home was worth it!

Tonight I am leaving Sky for the first time while we go out with some friends to see 'The Hobbit'. While i'm really looking forward to it, i'm dreading leaving her, and Joe even admitted this morning he doesn't want to leave her but we will have to brave it sooner or later! I have managed to express her 9oz of milk, and we'll only be gone a few hours so she should be fine.. I can see lots of messages to mother in law to check she's OK!!

I really should get on with cooking rather than sitting here as I am making lasagne for us all tonight and need to get some prep done or we'll be having popcorn for tea, all in all, feeling much happier today :)

silent sunday...

A new home for Jake :(

We have had to make the decision to rehome our border collie Jake, he is such a lovely little dog (if not a bit dippy) but now he's getting older the fight for dominance between him and Taz is getting too much. We have had to separate them as they are just growling at each other constantly and it means they are being shut out a lot as we can't have them fighting around the kids. We decided as Taz has lots of 'issues' that Jake would be the easiest to rehome as he would pretty much fit in anywhere, but we would really like him to find a home as an only dog. We just don't have time to walk them, if not for our garden being a good size I think we'd have had to make this decision earlier we just kept thinking we would have more time when Sky was born and I could go walking not waddling, then I had to be honest with myself that I can't juggle a toddler, a pram and 2 dogs at once so they've not been getting out as much as they should which is adding to the problem. 

So now we're on the hunt for our little guys forever home, he needs somewhere he will be happy and get lots of attention to be the pup he's meant to be.

Finally Feeling Festive!!

It's here! I am finally starting to feel full of the old festive cheer.. well maybe not full but I am feeling Christmassy! (Is that a word?) We went shopping to good old Homebase and bought some new decorations and then we came home and put the tree up, and the kids stockings are hanging from the fireplace, it is somewhat resembling a grotto in our living room. Sam is very excited he keeps saying 'It's Christmas Mummy' and then leaping around the room. I'm sure he thinks Santa is coming tonight, I can see a very disappointed little boy in the morning.

Now to start on the Christmas cards, well as soon as I find my address book...

Let the festivities begin! 

A touch of PND...

Today seems to be one of those days that I just can't quite control my emotions. We took Sam for his hearing test at 12 (on the 12/12/12 what are the odds?) Then on the way home I just felt down, I wanted to do something but didn't know what and generally felt upset. Then when we got home it just got worse, and resulted in me spending half my afternoon in tears, and snapping at everyone.

I am hoping its just one of those days, as I suffered post natal depression after Sam was born, and I really don't want to go through it again! I think the weather is making things worse too, as I hate all this ice it just makes me want to lock the door and shut the world out when what I need is to be out keeping my mind occupied. 

So the plan for tomorrow is to buy some new Christmas decorations and get the tree decorated which will hopefully cheer me up a bit, and be fun for Sam (I think Sky is too little to really notice..) Although I am still not feeling very festive..

I'll finish on a happy note, Sam has nothing wrong with his hearing, the doctor said he is absolutely fine and she isn't going to refer him on any further, happy Mummy.. well almost.

Preparations begin...

Next Wednesday, I am going to see 'The Hobbit' with my lovely husband, and our friends Stacey and Paul. So today I am starting to prepare myself to leave Sky for the first time. I am dreading it! Well I'm looking forward to getting out and having some baby free husband and me time for the first time since she was born, but dreading leaving her. I know she'll be fine, but I will probably be worrying myself sick the entire time and bombarding my poor mother in law with texts to make sure all is OK.

The main part of preparation I need to sort out is expressing enough milk to feed her while we're gone. The film is nearly 3 hours long, and then there's getting to and from the cinema so she will be left for nearly 4 hours so I need at least 10oz and expressing has not been going well. (mainly because guzzle guts wants boob too often and doesn't leave much to express). So I am starting on Saturday, as my milk should last 5 days in the fridge, so should give me plenty of time to get a couple of bottles worth.

On the plus side, we're going in the evening so Sam will be fast asleep and not even know that we're gone, or at least that's the plan, fingers crossed he doesn't have a bad night and wake up every 2 minutes, although he hasn't had a bad night for a while, but sods law he will choose next Wednesday...

I can't wait to get it over with now, I know the first time you leave them is the hardest, it took me forever to leave Sam for more than an hour, and he was a year old before I braved leaving him over night, can't see Sky going over night until she's a year old either well unless hubby convinces me with a romantic night away... But I think that's unlikely...

Silent Sunday...

Bad to worse..

So after a few accidents the other day, Sam has decided now that he doesn't want to ask to go to toilet at all when he needs to wee! Today so far we've had 5 accidents, and its only half 2!! I keep asking him, and taking him up to the toilet if I think he needs to go, but he still won't ask, whereas before he would ask us when we're at home.

The last accident happened when I was mid feed with Sky, and I had to put her down (she was screaming as she was hungry) and leave her there while I got him cleaned up, and I lost it. I feel so guilty, I shouted at him that he needs to learn to tell me as he isn't a baby. He then started crying and saying he's a big boy, so I feel awful. Its just stressing me out so much because I know he can do it!! 

I think when Joe is off work Monday til Wednesday, we need to literally be taking him to the toilet every hour if not more, and really encouraging him. I think I may make tomorrows job to make him a reward chart to get him more interested. I'm not sure if some of this is jealousy, as he gets worse on days Joe is in bed (he works nights) as I can only play with him between feeds and nappy changes. 

Right, Sky has finally settled in her chair, so my next task is putting Sam's train track together, as he has just cleaned up all his toys so there is room and is threatening to tip all the pieces out if I don't jump too it... This Mummy of 2 lark is hard work! But I wouldn't change it for the world!

Help! My house smells like wee!

Potty training.. Bag's of fun for all the family.. 

We have been trying to potty train Sam now since he turned 2, so about 8 months. The last 2 weeks he seemed to have cracked it, he would still have the odd accident when out and about (thank God for pull up's) but at home he would always ask to go. So picture me confused, when he decided to have 3 accidents all over the carpet yesterday, then when I was feeding Sky, and Joe was doing the dishes he did a poo in his pants.. Cue much running around to get him to the toilet and cleaned up!

I am starting to feel like we've been potty training forever! I know he is still young, but we started potty training because he started telling us when he needed a poo, and would take his nappy off and sit on the potty if we left it in the room. I can't even think about trying to get him dry at night and so he wears pull up's to bed, and he is too distracted when we're out and about to ask, even when we constantly ask 'do you need to go?', so we have to do pull up's then too. I am worried that he will still be in pull up's when he starts nursery next year.. Are kids even allowed to start nursery before their potty trained?? I can see it now.. Me dashing into school every day after getting 'the call' to say he needs clean clothes. 

Then of course there's Sky, who is growing up way too fast. We had her weighed today and she is now 11lb 4oz! She is starting to make the most adorable noises and smiling so much! She even copies Joe (not me sulk sulk!) when he sticks his tongue out at her! I wonder what she'll be like to potty train? Is it true that girls are easier than boys? Oh and on the subject of boys, when do you start teaching them to stand up and pee? Oh God so many questions!  

Look's like for the time being I will just have to put up with the fact that despite scrubbing and an endless supply of fabric freshener... my carpet will forever smell just a little bit like wee.. 

My mardy madam..

Today Sky has been very unsettled, she didn't want to sleep last night just cried, combined with the stuffing her hands in her mouth, endless dribbling, and hard gums we've come to the conclusion that she's teething. :( I hate seeing her upset so will be grabbing some teething  gel or Anbesol tomorrow for her, and ordering some new Gumigem teething necklace's ASAP. (Well Joe will be I've asked for some for Christmas)..

On a happy note we got our photo's today from a photo shoot we had back at the beginning of November and they are fabulous! So I shall leave you with my favourite picture...

The diet starts today!!

Since having Sam nearly 3 years ago, I have been desperate to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, then when I fell with Sky I tried my hardest not to gain too much extra weight, so was less than amused when my consultant told me at 38 weeks pregnant that i'd 'gained a fair bit of weight' and that I 'wasn't really doing any exercise'. Well excuse me for not running round the gym whilst ready to pop!!

Anyway, since having Sky my weight has dropped considerably, and I've not really had to try (I love breastfeeding) but I seem to have got as far as I can on breastfeeding alone and so the diet starts today!! My ideal weight would be 9st 5lb as that was what I weighed before I got pregnant but i'm setting my target weight of 9st 10lb so I need to lose 10lb. If I allow for Christmas (I'm not giving up my turkey for anyone) then I am aiming to be at my target weight by February. So here we go...Wish me luck!!

Not meant to be..

These were the words spoken to us by friends and family when we lost our little angel just 2 short weeks after we found out that I was pregnant. Today someone close to me lost her own  little angel, and it has brought back some of the emotions we went through nearly 4 years ago.

The attitude of so many people when you lose a baby so early on is that it 'wasn't really a baby' or 'it's not the same as losing a baby further along' but until you have been through it, you could never understand the feeling of loss you have for someone you have never met. From the day you get that positive test you start to think about the little person you have inside you. Will it be a boy or a girl? Will they have Daddy's eye's, or Mummy's nose? The bond you have even then is so strong, even though at the time you may not even realise it. For these tiny babies taken so young, there is no funeral, nothing to remember them by, except those feelings you felt when they were taken away.

I think we often think that words can make it better, that we should say something when someone we care about is in pain, but I know I found the most comforting words spoken to us were 'I'm sorry' or ' we're thinking of you'. 

I have found it hard to find the word's and this is the first time I have ever told anyone of how I felt when we lost our angel, but this poem is for a very special lady, she know's who she is...

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.

A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God, can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to fill the womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say

"We go to earth and learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are OK
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with me
Until your lesson is through
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start!!!

Silent Sunday...

Oh no its happened!!

I've seen the coca cola advert! I've been in denial that Christmas is just around the corner, refusing to believe that it is less than 4 weeks away, but today I saw the dreaded advert that means Christmas is here! The silly thing is that i'm reasonably well prepared, I have all the kids presents bought and even wrapped the majority, we've got in Christmas crackers and candy canes (although a fair few have been eaten..) but for some reason I just don't feel ready for the holiday season.

Maybe it's because the weather hasn't really been that wintry yet, until the last few day's its been relatively mild, if not a bit wet. I suppose I haven't really been out that much what with having a small child attached to my nipples most of the time, so I've not seen many Christmas tree's or decorations. But saying that it is still early, hope I start to feel a bit more festive soon!!

Breastfeeding and Co-sleeping..

So I decided when Sky was only a few days old, to preserve my sanity I would give co-sleeping a go. For those of you not familiar with the term, it basically means to have your baby sleep in bed with you rather than in a cot or moses basket. It seems that everyone you meet has an opinion on it. I've had friends tell me that i'm making a 'rod for my own back' and that she will never sleep in her own bed, and been branded a bad mother on forums for apparently increasing her risk of SIDS.

However, since she was 2 weeks old Sky has only woken for 1 feed during the night and then slept until Sam wakes up in the morning, making both my husband and I much more able to function during the day. In the early days it meant she could find the breast herself and so I didn't need to wake up every hour to feed her, and I don't think I would have been so successful with breastfeeding had I spent half my night picking her up and putting her down again. 

Breastfeeding was something that had worried me throughout my pregnancy, after I gave up with Sam when he was just 4 weeks old. He would feed every hour and fuss with my breast for at least 10 minutes before finally latching on properly, meaning I would only get a couple hours sleep a night, and that was usually achieved by Joe taking him into another room and walking around with him to stop him screaming. So out came the formula and we never looked back. I have been carrying around my breastfeeding guilt ever since. So when Sky latched perfectly from the moment she was born, I was so relieved. She continued to feed well every 2-3 hours while we were in the hospital, and we were discharged after 24 hours.

Getting home was when the cracks started to show, she would feed constantly during the evening going from 1 breast to the other for 3 hours (which I later found out was cluster feeding) My breasts were sore, I would dread every feed and bedtimes were a nightmare, Joe would walk around with her trying to get her to sleep so my poor cracked nipples could recover but it meant we were both like zombies by morning and Sam would spend his day having to entertain himself while we napped on the sofa whenever Sky gave us the chance.

So that night she fell asleep next to me after a big feed, and I drifted off next to her. When I woke 3 hours later I immediately started to panic, and put my hand on her belly to check she was still breathing. She was fine and looked so comfy and cosy wrapped up next to me, so when she finished her next feed I let her stay there, but padded out the edge of the bed to make sure she didn't fall out. The time between feeds gave my breasts a chance to recover and I stopped dreading the feeds so much. Oh and for the record no matter how good the latch, it is normal for it to hurt like hell at first. I call it the 'toughening up period' my nipples obviously had to get used to being suckled for the best part of the day, and for any of you ladies suffering out there, I recommend Lansinoh cream, it's ridiculously expensive but it is amazing! (and make's brilliant lip balm when your done using it for your nipples)

Last night was the first night that Sky slept all night (well from 11:30pm- 7am) and I am a very happy Mummy!

 

It's hello from me..

So here I am, my first blog post! I am a little excited, I've never done anything like this before so do please bear with me!

I'll start by introducing myself, my name is Lacey, and I live in a little seaside town called Cleethorpes in North East Lincolnshire. If you don't know where it is, don't worry you're not missing out on much. I married my husband Joe back in June of this year and we have two children. The first of these delightful little darlings is our son Samuel, who is 2 years and 8 months, and in the throws of the terrible two's. The second is the newest addition to the family, our daughter Sky, who is 8 weeks. We also have two border collie dog's, called Taz and Jake, and two pet rat's called Millie and Tifa (Tifa, for those not of geek descent is the name of some character in Final Fantasy, and not something my husband made up, or so i'm told).

To forewarn you now, my blog will most likely be filled with rants about my daily life as a busy Mummy of two, such as why my quietly sleeping daughter decides as soon as I start typing that she needs to fill her nappy, then not content with being clean want feeding too. I am currently breastfeeding my daughter so you should also expect a bit of boob talk. My life probably doesn't make good reading for the easily offended  i'm opinionated and I call a spade a spade, so don't expect anything to be politically correct either. (sorry).

I currently work part time at a well known supermarket, and while it's a far cry from being my career choice it brings in precious pennies with which to put food on the table (or as my husband would have you believe to spend on getting my hair done, and buying new things we neither need or want). However I am currently on maternity leave. I am also planning to start writing my first novel, I use the word first loosely as I have in fact started my 'first' novel at least ten times now but this time I plan to finish it.

So there it is my first entry. If you got this far then thank you! Now I must go resume my day job as a human milk factory...