Not meant to be..

These were the words spoken to us by friends and family when we lost our little angel just 2 short weeks after we found out that I was pregnant. Today someone close to me lost her own  little angel, and it has brought back some of the emotions we went through nearly 4 years ago.

The attitude of so many people when you lose a baby so early on is that it 'wasn't really a baby' or 'it's not the same as losing a baby further along' but until you have been through it, you could never understand the feeling of loss you have for someone you have never met. From the day you get that positive test you start to think about the little person you have inside you. Will it be a boy or a girl? Will they have Daddy's eye's, or Mummy's nose? The bond you have even then is so strong, even though at the time you may not even realise it. For these tiny babies taken so young, there is no funeral, nothing to remember them by, except those feelings you felt when they were taken away.

I think we often think that words can make it better, that we should say something when someone we care about is in pain, but I know I found the most comforting words spoken to us were 'I'm sorry' or ' we're thinking of you'. 

I have found it hard to find the word's and this is the first time I have ever told anyone of how I felt when we lost our angel, but this poem is for a very special lady, she know's who she is...

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.

A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God, can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to fill the womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say

"We go to earth and learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are OK
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with me
Until your lesson is through
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start!!!